How to be an Adult.
1. Dress mainly in black and white.
2. Walk fast and in straight lines.
3. Make lists and lots of them.
4. Cook and clean (or at least pretend to).
5. Pay bills on time.
6. Get a well-paid, secure, normal job and never admit to any reliance on welfare benefits.
7. Join a gym.
8. Don’t open your mouth too wide when you laugh – it’s unattractive and will reduce your chances of finding someone to marry.
9. Don’t drop things in public.
10. Only eat cake on special occasions.
11. Remind yourself often that unusual dancing, very loud singing and general frivolity is for children and alcoholics only.
12. Bring a coffee and clipboard to all business-related meetings.
13. Let go of childhood dreams. It’s time to admit you will never be a rock star, astronaut or ballerina.
14. Don’t stick your finger in the peanut butter jar.
15. Don’t lose the plot. Ever.